hurt...

yet another emo sequel by edmund lim.
i'm hurt. hahaha...
















my fingers hurt. hahahaha.

ok, that's lame.

loving the guitar for so much and having a very very bad habit of biting the callus off my fingertips cause me to pay a pretty hefty price. my left fingertips are gone. OMG! no lah. my left fingertips are pretty painful now. you know how it feels when you bite off the callus? it's like your foot walking on rusty knife edge where your skin is on the verge of splitting and you can feel the little friction on the surface shredding off your baby skin. but you can't stop, that's the thing. you're not doing anything that is very big either, not into the guiness record books for holding on to a damn string at the longest time. it's a sacrifice. you know that kind of sacrifice. the kind that stays on your for quite some time. it's like buying a tiffany & co for your girlfriend with you 1.6k a month, fresh diploma graduate pay, and thn she breaks up with you a week later, that kind of sacrifice. you can't ask for the t&co back, unless you want to throw your pride away and be a loser for your whole life. but it heals, definitely, and you start to go back to your normal life. but it stays on you. that's when you bite the callus off and thn you feel the pain again.

yesterday, i can admit that i did the most sms i have ever done in a day, and also the longest phone call with a girl (only lasted for 20 mins) at night. not much of a casual talk, all of it is like serious stuff, which is very boring. i wanna have more casual talks but maybe ppl take me as a serious person. honestly, i'm not. ask cheryl on how i convince her with the boob thing. ask qiang about how i always talk nonsence and how i direct translate his chinese lyrics while he did it to mine and we laughed. ask kinet how i discuss with him about guitars and other shit. ask jay about my randomness. ask ernest how i laugh at him while he laughs at me. ask zw how i disturb him and kill him. you see. i'm not serious person. haha. oh, and ask maxwell how both of us always talk about guitars and then after that go into something random. want more proof? my good pal yubin. ask him, i'm not a serious person. ha.

i'm going to sleep soon man. and i'm in work. so sian. i'll blog more later whn i'm bored. ha.

great jam...

things are getting out of hand. everyone is screaming and everyone is going crazy. lalalala. if you make a stupid mistake in the rehearsal, you'll be scolded and shouted at by the other bandmates. that's the funny part about YAKUZAsour. all our laughters are kept in our shouts and it gives the alcoholic dose into our lifes. kinet complaining about arrangement is difficult, zhiwei can't catch the entry for his chorus, qiang's new to the bullet screaming concept that i have been thinking the past weekend, jayson still alittle out of time, cheryl's being screwed by us and we're still trying to influence her the essentials of having breasts in the world and how it makes us happy, and of coz, me screwing them up with more weird and difficult arrangements.

i'm so happy that we manage to at least achieve completion yesterday night, but without ernest, he's damn blur. haha. so next monday we have to thoroughly go through with proper mics and stuff. accompaniments need to be more flexible, yesterday's pretty rigid coz qiang's sticking to the lyrics and cheryl is still low on boobs, lack of confidence or maybe afraid that i will chew her off. bass guitar too dry, need more movements, kenit's guitar is ready. drums pretty much ready, just need to arrange alittle and the part where we have a rest with just vocals coming in. i'm still pretty lost whether to play with kinet or come up with a lead melody. they wanted a solo, so i have to plan for that too.

why has it to be only this year? if we've started last year, we'll be doing better now. but we won't have ernest. screw. nice timing God. nice timing.

i'm in despair

ZETSUBOU DA! 絶望だ！

Definitions of despair on the Web:
- a state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly; "they were rescued from despair at the last minute"
- the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well
- abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart; "Don't despair--help is on the way!"
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

arh! tragedy!

i read something sian. i'm down. i dun wanna think about it anymore. someone's better than me. i'll quit everything that i'm related liao. numb man! lalala.

dear wrists...

i'm getting funny reactions with my hands these days. my pinky can jerk by itself and start wriggling, like parkinsons. they call it rest tremours. i couldn't stop them, and that's freaky.

once in a while, her face reappears, i was pretty agitated and i actually planned and rehearsed the scene last night in my brain before sleeping. it goes like, this is super amusing...

"hey, err... i got something to say"

most likely she will go "WHAT!"

"i like you"

that's it, i'll just stop there and stare at her. i guess she'll go, "i know..."

"yeah... sigh..."

probably have some minutes of silence.

"it's impossible rite?"

"yeah... sorry..."

then i'll feel better and just forget about her, and continue life... at least i tried. but that's just rehearsal, what about the real thing?! arh! i'm so shy.

arh, itchy ears. arh.

WAIT! something wrong! the starting will be like

"eh "

"WHAT!"

yeah... i think it's this way. sometimes it's even more amusing...

"eh"

"WHAT!"

hahaha. i'm crazy. but it's amusing. sometimes i just stare at her...

*stare at *

"WHAT!"

it's getting out of hand.

let me try to remember mandy's lyrics...

baby i'm crazy
reaching out for emptiness
holding on to fantacy
i'm missing someone out there

like that rite? i forgot. i dun remember lyrics well.

finding the real me...

just read ziqin's blog, well she's self searching i guess, perhaps facing the 2 decades old dilemma. pretty interested to see someone that desperate to spot her change. i guess people do change and i do admit that i changed alot, ironically, why dun my fats shrink?
anyway, like she'll drop by my blog, i'll drop an encouragement for ppl trying to search for the real you after thinking about the past you. well, optimistically, your current you can be your real you, coz the past you will still be your past you. placing a facade on will do you good in leading back to your past, but it may not do good to the people around you, having known with your present being. the world is packed with stereotypes and i'm sure unconventional habits does paint a person black, especially the conservative mindset (chinese!). say drinking, i love to drink, but i don't drink much coz i don't like to be intoxicated. however, my very dear mama say, "so young learn how to drink liao, next time grow up... blah blah blah (.50 calibre at point blank)...". well, drinking at limited amount = bad? or say toilet hugger = bad? so the current self may not reflect a daddy's little girl or mama's little boy, but i'm sure you can find something that is very unique and attract yourself to explore. i do agree to looking back and reflect, but dun encourage yourself to be stagnant and not improve in your current state. if you're appreciating what you're doing, i'm positive that there's a circle of people you can relate to and someone to support you. just allow them to and put your trust in them. if they screw you up, adjust and change them.
sigh. report report report. i'm dying! i wonder ivy still remembers the cheesecake bet. but i'll treat both of them to a drink bah, so paiseh to let girl treat me. ha. TCC! a very nice place to hang out.

Mandy's 7s

as tagged by Mandy...

7 Random Facts About Me

- dislike being known for being a drummer, guitarist or bassist unless it's for jamming
- counts the hours of sleep i'm getting before sleeping
- black, red, white.
- finishing polytechnic
- wants to go to NUS
- may have parkinsons
- a love hate relationship with music

7 Things That Scare Me

- extremely fat girls
- cockroaches
- getting myopia
- broken bones
- rejection
- broken wrists
- becoming deaf

7 Favourite Music Artistes At The Moment

- The GazettE
- Dave Weckl
- YUI
- Mika Nakamura
- Switchfoot
- Blindside
- Mayday

7 Things I Like Most

- sleeping
- guitar
- jamming
- sushi
- laughing
- a girl
- badminton

7 Lucky People To Do This

- qiang qiang
- zhi wei
- maxwell
- fun
- kenit (go bloody start a blog for the sake of this lah!)
- jayson (REVIVE YOUR OLD BLOG!)
- ivy?